I've got a bit of a storybook thing going on in my life - family, career, the whole 9. I have an amazing husband who is the best friend, partner, and lover I could ask for. I have a smart, charming, extremely well mannered little girl and the MOST adorable and happy baby boy you will ever, ever see. We have 2 dogs, a cat, and some fish. We have 5 chickens for eggs and an organic garden. We compost most of our kitchen waste. We recycle. I am at the very beginning of what promises to be an exciting and extremely fulfilling career that enables me to provide a good living for my family while helping make a difference.
Even though I work a lot of hours, I still manage to cook very nutritious dinners for my family most every night. My husband and I still have an excellent love life. I have amazing friends all over the world and get along well with my extended family.
It is, for all appearances, perfect.
Of course, that's just appearances. Nothing is perfect. I am constantly plagued with guilt over trying to juggle work and family duties. I put off clearing away all the clutter on the countertops much longer than I should and I can't even remember when I last washed the windows.
I've always been very open about the fact that MacGvyer and I are not one of those couples who "never fight." We're both very
Because we come out of every disagreement understanding each other better and moving forward in our relationship. We recognize that we are both flawed individuals and we are working together to make ourselves better - something I look forward to working on for the rest of my life. I will never stop and just coast along - and I really doubt MacGyver ever would, either.
Then there are the always recurring issues with BioB*&^%.
And trying to decide what to do next in my career as well as MacGvyer's.
Minor, everyday struggles and larger more lifechanging ones are constants in our lives.
No, my life is not perfect. My life is just that: Life. I live my life as well as I can, and so does MacGyver. I work hard to be a good mother, a good wife, a good friend, lawyer, Marine, PERSON. And a lot of the time, I feel like I succeed in those things. Sometimes I fail, too.
But do I run to my blog to kvetch, vent, and whine about every failure, every gripe, every disagreement? Obviously not. Because it's annoying. Who the hell wants to read a blog full of nothing but complaints? You know what? I'm tired all the time. At least once or twice a month I feel like I'm under so much pressure from so many directions that I am just going to crumble into a pile of debris and dust.
But I prefer to focus on the positive. Sure I vent on my blog once in a while, but by and large I am of the opinion that I could have things so much worse and I need to remember that. So I blog about the good things. I blog about the happy things and the moments of my life that cause me to overflow with joy. I like to blog about causes that move me, my kids' triumphs, and the neverending parade of little suprises and gestures of love MacGyver is always plying me with.
Apparently, some people don't like that. Apparently, some people just CAN'T STAND the fact that MacGyver and I are as happy as we are. That our issues aren't debilitating or devistating - at least not for us. Apparently, some people are so damned unhappy with their own lives and their own miserable failures that they want nothing more in the WORLD than to see MacGyver and I fail.
Apparently some people feel the need to Google MacGyver and I obsessively. To insert themselves into our lives uninvited and unnecessarily. There are people out there who actually care THAT MUCH about our lives. Not family members. Not even friends. These are people who have no real or good reason to concern themselves with us at all, let alone maliciously.
At first, I was annoyed. Then I was pissed. But when I really think about it, it's just sad. How pathetic must one's life be to obsess that much about someone else's? How insecure must a person be that they feel a compulsive need to try to create drama and spread lies about me? How unsatisfying and sad must someone's life be if they are devoting their time to this crap?
I know who you are. Just because you lie about your marriage (and trust me, I know you lie), doesn't mean I'm lying about mine.
It's pathetic, and it's sad. But, alas, there isn't much I can do about it.
I considered letting go of the blog. I considered moving it. I don't want to do either of those things. I recognize that by having the blog, I'm putting myself and a portion of our life out there. For now, I'm not ready to give up the friendships I have built just to avoid the sad little antics of tiny, insecure, shallow people who are trying to take their failures out on me.
So I'm just going to sit back and watch. Because what you put out into the world WILL come back to you.
In the meantime, my life is better than ever. Happy, adorable kids. Happy home. And a marriage that becomes stronger, closer, and happier every day.