Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Things are Always Shifting

       There is so much going on.  So much to say and so much to ramble about.  So many blog posts waiting to be written, and so very many more waiting to be read.

      Alas, I am in fear for this little blog of mine.  Things in my life are changing, shifting, as they always do.  I still love this blog, and I'm not ready to give up on it yet, but I'm not sure it will ever be the same as it has been.  There are two major shifts that are threatening the longevity of Cheap Wine and Cookies right now:  my life and my personality.

       I mentioned some big news recently.  While it is not set in stone yet, it is looking like I am destined for a pretty big promotion here in a few months.  They want to make me the Military Justice Officer (usually called the MOJO).  This is one step above lead prosecutor (in civilian terms).  I will be in charge of all prosecutions for the entire Eastern Region.  I will be third in command here when I work, right after the Colonel and the Major.  And ohbytheway, it will be a new Colonel and a new Major, because the current ones are leaving.

      This is a big deal.  It's a big promotion (in responsibility, authority, and prestige - not in pay, ha).  Two years ago, I really, really wanted to be MOJO.  There are many who envy this position.

       Alas, the last month or so since I found out about this intended course of events, I have had a lot of internal struggle about it.  As you might be able to guess, this is an intense job.  Probably not the best job for someone who wants to focus on family more - which is where I find myself standing at this point in my life.

       This is long hours and the course of people's lives will be riding on me.  And, to be honest, I considered asking to be passed up, asking to stay where I am.  I'm happy being the head of my section, and I am good at what I do now.  I have advanced the way my office works and expanded the knowledge base we have here.  And that probably plays into why I will shortly be moving.  Because I didn't ask to be passed up - mostly because I don't think I have a choice at this point.  The big heads seem set on me filling that seat.  Heaven help us all.

       So if I've said I was busy before, it's only just begun.  If I haven't had time to blog lately, I'll be lucky if I have time to bathe come fall.

       I have struggled with this impending change, and I have accepted it. 

      I do not will my future.  I try not to wish or hope.  I strive to move forward, but I don't focus on the direction.  I have faith that if I live my life the  best way I know how, I will be brought to where I need to be. 

      I never wanted to be a lawyer, but coincidence, and blind corners, and fate brought me to Law School, and I loved it, and I love Law.  I never would have dreamed that I would end up with MacGyver, and yet, against all sorts of strange odds, I did, and I couldn't be happier.  We have grown together in ways I know I never would have grown with anyone else.  The Marine Corps brought us to this base that we had never even considered, and there have been opportunities here we never could have foreseen.  I am always pushing forward, but I leave the direction up to fate.

       So I accept that this is what I need to do, and it is a very, very good opportunity.  If I get out of the Marine Corps, this will be excellent experience to have under my belt in a very competitive civilian economy.  If I stay in the Marine Corps, this puts me on an excellent career track.  I will be in a position of enough authority that I should (if the Universe smiles on me and grants me superiours who do not micromanage) be able to juggle both a massive caseload and family responsibilities.

      But I don't know what will become of this poor little blog.  This blog I have loved so much and poured so much into.  This blog where I have made so very many friends and stored so many memories.  I don't want to see it go, but even now, I feel it slipping a little.  And it's not just because I'm busy.

       I also feel a lot less of a drive to post here lately.  I still think of things I want to post about all the time.  I still think of things I believe would make good posts or that I want to share, but there's just not as much push behind it.

       I think I've just been more internally focused lately.  It's like the need to put stuff out there has lessened.  Maybe I'm growing up.  Maybe I'm less narcissistic ;-)  Probably, I'm just too busy and focused elsewhere.

      Because even as I write that I'm thinking of two or three posts I really wish I had time to put up.  So I guess the drive is still there.  And the narcissism.  They're just being subjugated.

       And yes, I think there's a slight egotistical drive behind blogging.  Most blogging, at least.  But that's not meant and an indictment of bloggers.  I think humans are naturally approval seeking creatures.  So don't anyone get all upset thinking I just insulted you.

      So there you have it.  I don't know what the future holds for Cheap Wine and Cookies.  I want to believe I will get back to posting more regularly soon, but honestly I don't know how that would be.

      Don't give up on me yet, though.  Because, at the very least, I will always have the need to post obligatory random pictures!

I've probably already posted some of these, but I'm too lazy busy to check.


MiMi said...

Those are huge freakin chickens!
Okay, so just post when you can. And what you want. And make em short if you want. Just check in when you can. :)

Katherine said...

There certainly are a lot of things going of for you. I completely understand about wanting more, but wanting to scale back. I'm watching my coworkers get jobs that lead to partnership, while I just want something part-time. But I'm losing a lot of income making that decision.

I find that when I have a lot on my mind, I tend to blog less, mostly because my thoughts seem overwhelming that I can't separate them out enough to write them.

Diandra said...

Uhm... congratulations, I guess. I'd miss you.

greekwitch said...

I was about to comment about the mixed feelings i had about this post. It was n't a goodbye and yet it felt like one. But the moment i saw the picture with the chickens i was just going to say"these are some freaking huge chickens" and then, there it was, already stated by Mimi.
Congragulations on the upcoming promotion. I agree with you, blogging is most commonly driven by narcissism and self centerness. At least, it is in the ones i enjoy reading and in my case too.
Blogs i believe are reflections of our lives. They grow as we grow and when there is the need and will, we write on them. There is a decadent beauty in this kind of blogs,that go with the flow of one's life, do n't you think?
Be blessed in every single way and excuse the huuuge comment!

Karen Peterson said...

You know I'll be around for as long as you blog. Which I hope is a very long time, even if it's less frequent.

Jessica~ said...

wowat least changes are exciting, good luck with whatever happens!


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