Ri-Freaking-diculous

      I'm not a big proponent of the Occupy Wall Street movement. I generally support their cause, but, quite frankly, I don't have time for a new cause right now and I sure as heck don't have time to sleep in a park.

      But today, my interests are completely overlapping with those of Occupy.  And if you don't really "get" what the Occupy movement is all about, this is a perfect demonstration.

      The USDA recently published new guidelines requiring school lunches to include more fresh vegetables and fruits and fewer processed foods.  Sounds great, right?  Who WOULDN'T want that? 

      The makers of the processed crap foods that had been going into school lunches before.  Namely, ConAgra and Schwan.  These companies turn a big profit off stuffing our children with their cheap processed crap, and they're not about to give that up.  They don't really need to worry about that, though, because they have the one thing that truly matters. Money.

      Sadly, these days in the US, he who controls the money controls pretty much everything.  See, a politician can't get arrested without money and support from lobbyists.  And the division of wealth in out country has fractured so badly that the vast, vast majority of the money and power is controlled by very, very few. And if politicians want to get elected and stay in office, they have to toe the line of what the big bucks say.

      Don't believe me?

       Immediately following the publishing of the USDA's new guidelines, ConAgra and Schwan - two of the largest producers of processed crap for school lunches -  started leaning on Congress. Hard.  Then, a day or two ago, Congress did one of the most effing ridiculous things they've done in a while: They actually stated that processed, frozen pizza IS A VEGETABLE. 

      That's right, folks.  No need to worry about nutrition any longer!   Forget biology, nutritional science, and reality itself.  As it turns out, turning processed junk into health food is simply a matter of a vote.  And who the heck cares about diabetic school kids?  So long as the big corps get their greenbacks and the politicians in their pockets stay seated comfortably in Congress, everything will be ooook.

       I'm so freaking annoyed about this. The USDA guidelines were finally a much needed step in the right direction, only to be thrown right the heck back by something so effing ridiculous I can hardly believe it happened.  I am ashamed in the eyes of the world today and very saddened for our children.

      The old phrase goes, "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention." 

      Clearly.

      But I've always felt the need to add something along the lines of, "If you're outraged but not acting, you're a hypocrite."

      I will be looking up exactly which members of Congress voted on this idiocy.

      I am almost at a complete loss. This is just so nonsensical and stupid I could scream. Think I'm overreacting? Think pizza has enough veggies in it to meet nutritional requirements? Sure, maybe a homemade veggie pizza. But NOT the crap Congress was talking about. Just look at the list of ingredients. I'm not sure that even qualifies as food, let alone a vegetable. Pizza is a vegetable. And arguing over who got the bigger slice is math.

      So there's my little vent for the day.

Ef.

Read the Daily Mail article on this topic.

Finally, I'm thinking maybe this should have been posted under one of my subheadings.  What do you think?  Should this have gone under Ethical Eating or Recipes and Nutritional Information?

Someone Like You

      So Adele is all the rage these days, no?  (Yes, I said all the rage.  What?  I'm old.  And a dork.  You already knew that.)  And I'm totally on board.  I love Rolling in the Deep.  Her voice is beautiful and powerful and her lyrics - for the most part - are moving.  For the most part.

      But her newer song, Someone Like You, has been getting on my nerves lately.  I mean, I still enjoy listening to it, but every time the song gets to a certain point, my hackles go up a little.

"I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited,

but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.

I hoped you'd see my face, and that you'd be reminded

That for me, it isn't over."

      Ok, I get it.  It's all poignant and whatnot.  She's still in love.  She hurts.

      Whatever.

      I picture this person standing on some unsuspecting former lover's doorstep one evening, confronting them.  Baring their own unresolved feelings and burdening this other person with - expectation.  As if this former lover is somehow responsible for the singer's feelings and inability to let go and move on.  And all I can think is . . .

      "Who the hell do you think you are?"

      One of my exes.  That's who.  Off the top of my head, I've had at least three of my exes suddenly reappear in my life - out of the blue, uninvited - and seem to expect something from me.  Like I'm going to feel guilty for having moved on, for being happy.  OR like I'm going to turn around and just give it another shot - hoped you'd see my face, and that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over.  Well screw you.  For ME it is over.  Get the hell off my porch.

      Ok, so of course I was never that harsh with them.  Though maybe I should have been.  I lent the sympathetic ear to how hard things have been.  I have gracefully turned a cheek to attempted kisses and deftly dodged ill conceived passes. 

      But every time I hear that song, it annoys me.  The nerve of some freaking people.  I'm sorry you got your heart broken and your life sucks and you somehow think that is my fault.  I'm rather flattered that you think I'm that significant a person to have actually wrecked your life by refusing to put up with your BS anymore.  But, let's face it, I'm NOT that significant and you're just looking for a scapegoat.  So how about you save us both the awkwardness and you save yourself the embarrassment - not to mention the pain of another rejection, and you leave me the heck alone if you can't behave like a civilized, PLUTONIC acquaintance.

      So if you're reading this and you're still hung up on one of your exes - ESPECIALLY if that person has clearly moved on, take my advice:  Don't listen to the messages of ridiculous romantic comedies.  People don't call off their wedding 10 minutes before the ceremony to get back with someone they dumped 3 years ago.  Move the frig on.  And for eff's sake DON'T show up at their home or place of work uninvited and act like they owe you something.

      I know that I am not alone in having this experience, so let's hear it:  Have you ever been accosted by an ex who still had feelings for you?  Have you ever been the guilty party and created this awkward moment?

      A couple of caveats:
      -  Yes, MacGyver was at one point in time my ex, and yes we got back together, but it was NOT planned out that way.  We started talking again as friends.  There was no awkward "I'm still in love with you" or "I bet you didn't think you'd be hearing from me . . ." moment.  We talked, exchanged emails, and eventually decided maybe since we had both I had grown up a little, it was worth another shot.  So there.  Not quite as hypocritical as I look.

      -  This is the second post I've recently written about songs on the radio.  In my last post, where I was b*tching about how old some music made me feel, I talked about the phrase "pumped up kicks," and I'd like to clarify something:  I KNOW what pumped up kicks ARE.  I'm not that old!  Frig.  I just don't understand why the person singing wants to shoot people on the basis of wearing said kicks.

Back Up Off my Happily Ever After

      This will be the last you hear of this, hopefully forever, at least for now.  If you don't have any idea what I'm talking about, be thankful and please move on to the next post, which is much more entertaining.

      I've got a bit of a storybook thing going on in my life - family, career, the whole 9.  I have an amazing husband who is the best friend, partner, and lover I could ask for.  I have a smart, charming, extremely well mannered little girl and the MOST adorable and happy baby boy you will ever, ever see.  We have 2 dogs, a cat, and some fish.  We have 5 chickens for eggs and an organic garden.  We compost most of our kitchen waste.  We recycle.  I am at the very beginning of what promises to be an exciting and extremely fulfilling career that enables me to provide a good living for my family while helping make a difference.

      Even though I work a lot of hours, I still manage to cook very nutritious dinners for my family most every night.  My husband and I still have an excellent love life.  I have amazing friends all over the world and get along well with my extended family.

      It is, for all appearances, perfect.

      Of course, that's just appearances.  Nothing is perfect.  I am constantly plagued with guilt over trying to juggle work and family duties.  I put off clearing away all the clutter on the countertops much longer than I should and I can't even remember when I last washed the windows.

      I've always been very open about the fact that MacGvyer and I are not one of those couples who "never fight."  We're both very bullheaded passionate people, and, like most of the population, we both have our own issues that we've been working through.  We don't scream in each other's faces, and I have never thrown anything at my husband, but we do disagree from time to time.  We even argue once in a while - and I'm glad we do.

      Because we come out of every disagreement understanding each other better and moving forward in our relationship.  We recognize that we are both flawed individuals and we are working together to make ourselves better - something I look forward to working on for the rest of my life.  I will never stop and just coast along - and I really doubt MacGyver ever would, either.

      Then there are the always recurring issues with BioB*&^%.

      And trying to decide what to do next in my career as well as MacGvyer's.

      Minor, everyday struggles and larger more lifechanging ones are constants in our lives.

      No, my life is not perfect.  My life is just that:  Life.  I live my life as well as I can, and so does MacGyver.  I work hard to be a good mother, a good wife, a good friend, lawyer, Marine, PERSON.  And a lot of the time, I feel like I succeed in those things.  Sometimes I fail, too.

      But do I run to my blog to kvetch, vent, and whine about every failure, every gripe, every disagreement?  Obviously not.  Because it's annoying.  Who the hell wants to read a blog full of nothing but complaints?  You know what?  I'm tired all the time.  At least once or twice a month I feel like I'm under so much pressure from so many directions that I am just going to crumble into a pile of debris and dust. 

      But I prefer to focus on the positive.  Sure I vent on my blog once in a while, but by and large I am of the opinion that I could have things so much worse and I need to remember that.  So I blog about the good things.  I blog about the happy things and the moments of my life that cause me to overflow with joy.  I like to blog about causes that move me, my kids' triumphs, and the neverending parade of little suprises and gestures of love MacGyver is always plying me with.

      Apparently, some people don't like that.  Apparently, some people just CAN'T STAND the fact that MacGyver and I are as happy as we are.  That our issues aren't debilitating or devistating - at least not for us.  Apparently, some people are so damned unhappy with their own lives and their own miserable failures that they want nothing more in the WORLD than to see MacGyver and I fail.

      Apparently some people feel the need to Google MacGyver and I obsessively.  To insert themselves into our lives uninvited and unnecessarily.  There are people out there who actually care THAT MUCH about our lives.  Not family members.  Not even friends.  These are people who have no real or good reason to concern themselves with us at all, let alone maliciously.

     At first, I was annoyed.  Then I was pissed.  But when I really think about it, it's just sad.  How pathetic must one's life be to obsess that much about someone else's?  How insecure must a person be that they feel a compulsive need to try to create drama and spread lies about me?  How unsatisfying and sad must someone's life be if they are devoting their time to this crap?

      I know who you are.  Just because you lie about your marriage (and trust me, I know you lie), doesn't mean I'm lying about mine.

      It's pathetic, and it's sad.  But, alas, there isn't much I can do about it.

      I considered letting go of the blog.  I considered moving it.  I don't want to do either of those things.  I recognize that by having the blog, I'm putting myself and a portion of our life out there.  For now, I'm not ready to give up the friendships I have built just to avoid the sad little antics of tiny, insecure, shallow people who are trying to take their failures out on me.

      So I'm just going to sit back and watch.  Because what you put out into the world WILL come back to you.

     In the meantime, my life is better than ever.  Happy, adorable kids.  Happy home.  And a marriage that becomes stronger, closer, and happier every day.

Offensive

      I have refrained from saying this for a long time because I KNOW it will offend someone.  But I am not having the best morning in the world and I just found out that we lost one of our Marines because he slept with another Marine's wife - and we were already incredibly short staffed. 

     We all know that I detest adulterers. It's gross, dirty, narcissistic, and deceitful - and that's just the beginning.  And I will seriously never understand why anyone would ever enter into a relationship with someone they know is an adulterer.

     What I haven't said is this:

      If you are a servicemember and you sleep with the spouse of another servicemember, you are SCUM.  I could care less whether you know the other servicemember or not.  I don't care if you've never even laid eyes on them.  I don't care if the spouse is a giant wh*** (male or female).  I don't care if the spouse claims the marriage is over or they hate the other service member or the marriage was a mistake or any other freaking excuse.  You DON'T betray a fellow servicemember like that.  You. Just. DON'T.

      And the same goes for military spouses.  I have seen WAY too many spouses eff over excellent servicemembers by being self-centered, self-pitying wh****s.  Being a military spouse is hard.  A lot of the time, it downright sucks.  And you know what?  I don't give a damn.  That is NO excuse.  You don't like it, get out.  Don't go screwing other servicemembers.  It's sick, and it's inexcusable.  If it is that hard for you to refrain from having sex with other people, you are completely trashy and that's all there is to it.  You are also, you should know, a complete joke within the ranks.  The second any servicemember knows what you did, we know exactly what to think of you.

      If you're offended, so be it.  And if by some freak occurance you are that Marine that our shop just lost because you couldn't keep it in your pants or respect your fellow Marine enough to keep it away from that Marine's spouse, you're a jackass.  To say the least.

* * * End Rant. * * *

      And I'm a little sad.  I know I was off the map for a couple weeks and didn't really post anything, but I put up a post Sunday and haven't gotten a single comment on it.  Have I really finally driven everyone away?

      I promise today I'll put up a more cheerful post.  I just needed to get that vent out of the way so I could start my day off right.  ;-)

If You're Going to B*tch About Taxes

      I grew up in a fairly rural, backwoods area of Michigan.  I lived 5 miles outside of one of the small villages that made up the local school district.  The median household income (according to the 2000 census) was $31,875.  When the economy took a hit even before the rest of the country, things got even worse.

       My point is, it is not a wealthy area.  Growing up, I knew many families who had to utilize public assistance at various times.  Since the economy collapsed, some of my own family members have found themselves living off government funds at different points.  These are not lazy people.  They are not leeches.  And they damn sure aren't living in the lap of luxury on the tax payer's dollar.  They struggle to make ends meet.  They apply for job after job after job.  Some are losing their homes.  I've been heartbroken to find out that things have gotten so bad for some that they've fallen into depression and other mental illnesses.

      I had good friends growing up, good people from good families with hard working parents who still needed a little help to make ends meet because, let's face it, it's difficult to impossible to feed a family of 4 or 5 working minimum wage.  And what if you're a single parent?  And these friends were constantly embarrassed, even outright ashamed that their families ever used assistance.  Even something like reduced lunch was a stigma.

      So forgive me if I have a little bit of a short temper when you gripe about your tax dollars going to "lazy" people on Welfare.

      Now, I'm not ABOUT to day that there aren't people who take advantage of the system.  There so very clearly are.  There are plenty of them.  But, honestly?  I'd rather see 100 people "gaming" the system and collecting the whopping $346/month (for a family of 4 - varies by state) than to see one single person go hungry.  I'd rather let all those people "take advantage" than risk knowing that there are mothers out there who just don't eat because they can't afford food for both their kids and themselves.

      Those who take advantage will get theirs in the end, but no one should have to struggle just to have a home and food when it is so easily preventable.

       If you still want to make blanket statements on the "evils" of Welfare, bitching about the unconscionable "waste" of your tax dollars, fine.  That's your prerogative.

      But if you're going to bitch about where your tax dollars are going, then you damn well better be paying attention to a hell of a lot more than just the easy scapegoats who are unfortunate enough to need welfare.  You better not be taking the easy way out and listening to these idiots.

      You want to be pissed about where your tax dollars go?  Let me tell you, if you're focusing on Welfare, you're not looking nearly hard enough. 

      Do you have any idea how much of your tax money goes to farm subsidies? 

       Farm subsidies?

       Surely farm subsidies are a good thing.  I mean, it's the government providing money to poor farmers to keep them from going out of business or protect them from economic tradgedy in cases of drought, floods, and so, on, right?

       Wrong.  Dead wrong.

      Farm subsidies may have been a good idea once (though I'm still on the fence about even saying that), but today they are a massive, destructive monster that seems to go completely unnoticed by the general public while people bitch and moan about their tax dollars going to welfare.

      Every year billions of dollars ($12 billion in 2008) are handed out, largely to corporate farms - part of a chain of events that has global consequences - and no one seems to bat an eyelash.

      If you think this is where those tax dollars are going:

via

. . . you are sorely, and sadly, mistaken.

      Small family farms - the ones that use sustainable, beneficial farming methods and produce the most nutritious and ethical variety of vegetables - are NOT the ones who benefit from these subsidies.

      The average household income of farms that received $30,000 or more in government payments was above $210,000 in 2008. Farming operations that received between $10,000 and $29,999 in subsidies earned $110,368 in total household income, and the household income of farms that got between $1,000 and $9,999 in subsidies was $70,117, still above U.S. average household income. [1]

      But people would rather bitch about the government giving welfare money to families whose incomes are around or below $10,000.  [1]

      What makes these farm subsidies even more maddening is the fact that the top recipients of subsidies are corn, soybeans, and wheat – exactly those crops that are already benefiting from high prices due in part to federal mandates to use more corn to produce ethanol (which also has awful global and environmental implications). Rather than providing a safety net to help farmers in a time of need as its portrayed, the government is sending money to people who were already pretty well off.

      And what's wrong with subsidizing corn, soybeans, and wheat?  Oh, so very much.  So much that I should really write an entire separate post for it.  More than 800 million people in the world suffer from hunger and malnutrition right now, yet the majority of corn and soy grown in the world go to feed cattle, pigs, and chickens.  Two to five times more grain (up to 10x in beef) is required to produce the same amount of calories through livestock, with fewer health benefits than direct consumption. [2]

       Not only is all this food going to feed livestock instead of people, and therefore reducing the actual amount (and affordability) of food produced, but the subsidies provided to lower the cost of meat actually drive up the price of grain for those who actually depend on it for food.  While this can be a pain for the average US consumer, it is a potentially devastating tragedy to poorer nations, particularly when combined with production being further diverted away from food by ethanol production.  [2]

      Then there are the environmental implications - another vast impact that I could go on about for pages and pages.  In case I didn't make it clear above, subsidizing grain is basically subsidizing meat.  US Americans eat at least two times more protein per day, on average, than recommended.  The farming methods used to produce all this meat are dependent on chemicals and stripping the land - not on rotating crops and preserving nutrients, the only truly sustainable (and much more nutritious, by the way) method of farming.  The erosion and runoff from these method are already causing catastrophic environmental damage.  It is has been calculated out that if US Americans ate just 20 percent less meat (that's only about 6 totally meat free days a month), it would be as if every single one of us switched to driving an ultra-efficient Prius. [2]  Think about how huge an impact that is.  What does that say for the meat industry and for the farm subsidies the government hands out every year?

      That is all just the very tip of this iceberg of destruction and sludge.  I haven't touched on the pollution, the vast myriad of health issues, the oil tie in, the waste products, and the fact that these subsidies are actually contributing directly to the demise of true small, sustainable family farms.

      You want to bitch about your tax dollars going to the undeserving?  Please do.  But please dig a little deeper and don't just go after the easy marks.

      I, for one, would be thrilled to have all the money dumped into these destructive farm subsidies given to programs to help the poorest among us - EVEN if some of those receiving it abuse it.

      Of course, if we're asking for things, I'd really rather see the Welfare system overhauled and a whole lot more money going to Education.  But no one's asking me . . .

-----------------------------------------------------------

[1]  The majority, if not all, the figures about farm subsidies I cited came from this compilation of data by the Environmental Working Group.  If you are AT ALL interested in this topic, I strongly, strongly recommend reading the article.  It is straightforward and pretty short.

[2]  Most of the meat industry information came from an awesome article I came across in the book Menu for the Future by the Northwest Earth Institute.  If anything of my ranting about Ethical Eating piques your interest at all, you MUST check out this book.  It's a compilation of articles from many sources and in many formats, from literature to factual to poetry, exploring how what we eat affects the world today.  It's a wonderful resource, set up to be part of a discussion group.  And it's only around 100 pages long.  Please have a look.  The article I reference here is called Rethinking the Meat Guzzler (I know, ew.  It's not as graphic as it sounds) by Mark Bittman, first published in the NY Times in 2008.  Click the link and read away.  It will really open your eyes to the effed up way our diet is structured in these here United States.

Flashback Fridays

I decided to link up with Karen for Flashback Fridays and discovered that it's going to save me a whole post.  At the end of this month, we're going on vacation in MI.  Punky will probably be going to see BioB.  If BioB gets her act together enough to take her.  Looking back at my post from this time last year, oh so very little has changed.  Erg.

Once a year, she reappears.  I know it's coming, but I try to tell myself that maybe this year it will slip through the cracks.  But no, every year our lives have to get thrown all out of whack when she crawls back out of the woodwork, in her standard uniform of too-short shorts and too-dark cake makeup. 

Summer Visitation.

Ugh.  Heaven help us all, esp. Punky.  BioB*&^% is back.

Here is the maddening update:

After last year's visitation, Punky came home sick, constipated, wanting to wear make-up, and concerned that she was fat.  It would be a waste trying to put my anger into words, but I think it's rather obvious, so I'll just leave it at that.  Then, surprise, surprise, BioB stopped calling.  Fell off the face of the Earth, like she always does.

She will routinely go a month or more without calling to talk to Punky.  She actually called us much more last year pursuing the adoption than anything else.  And, as you all know, we were well into the swing of the adoption, all the paperwork was filed, and BioB submitted the first document consenting.  The disappeared again.  Our lawyers sent her the termination paperwork, and we didn't hear back from her.  And then we didn't hear back from her some more.  Then, finally, though it was probably too late, she contacted us a couple months ago to say she had signed the papers but she had made some changes to them (seriously?  Don't even get me started on this, friggin idiot).  But she never sent the papers to either us or our lawyers.  So that adoption proceeding is dead in the water. Suck.  To say the least.

During the last of one of these calls about the adoption, BioB implies that she'd like to see Punky this summer.  We have always been very supportive of her taking her visitation (heaven knows for how many years she tried to avoid it) for Punky's sake.  And as much as I hate it internally, we go out of our way to accommodate visitation.  So we told her we would drop Punky off with her just after the 4^th of July, provided she arranged transportation back, and she could have her the rest of the summer.

But then she disappeared AGAIN.  For weeks before MacGyver and Punky left for Wisconsin (the beginning of the trip that was scheduled to end with us dropping Punky off with BioB), she was completely unresponsive.  She did not return calls, texts, or emails.  We had no idea whether she still wanted to take her, or even if she still lived in the same place.  It made planning the trip that much more fun.

Then, as is so often the case with her, she popped back up at the most inconvenient time.  Right after MacGyver and Punky had left for WI, meaning just over a week before we were supposed to drop her off.  It had been her first contact with us in about 2 months (give or take).  And the excuses (this woman is the queen of excuses) start flying.  She quit her job (big shocker after we finally got her wages garnished for the child support she has never paid), and had to start waiting tables (go figure she switched to a line of work that depends on tips – a lot harder to garnish that).  She had no money at all and she lost her phone (granted, she now lives with a boyfriend, but apparently she couldn't call her daughter from his phone, that would've been too inconvenient).  And blah, blah, blah, pity me crap.  Whatever.  We still agreed to drop Punky off, as much as it hurt.

Facebook

At the same time, BioB friends MacGyver on Facebook.  I have no idea why, but, hey, I'm not going to complain.  As a lawyer, I've discovered that people put some pretty friggin stupid stuff on FB, and, at the very least it might be a good way to keep tabs on what's going on with Punky while she's there.

So I, of course, went through her entire FB.  What can I say?  I'm thorough.  There are two conflicting things about it, and they both ticked me off.  I know they're conflicting, and I don't care, I think my annoyance at each is justified.

1) Punky wasn't mentioned anywhere.  Going back more than two years, covering at least two visitation periods, it was as if Punky doesn't exist at all to her.  No, I take that back, she mentioned Punky ONCE, in response to someone else's question, and all she said was that "[her] daughter" was turning 8 this year, and how old that made her feel.  That's it.  Punky is a nonentity in her life.

2.)  While Punky wasn't mentioned per se, there were some pictures of her.  Just a few, but there were some there nonetheless.  Including ones of her, at six years old wearing make – up.  And not fun, dress-up make-up, but just actually made up.  Sick.  Thanks for giving my kid a complex.

My anger at her having pictures of Punky up is complicated.  As a parent (or aunt, sibling, etc), how would you feel if you discovered that someone had posted pictures of your child online without your permission?  What if this was a person you couldn't stand, who you didn't want your child around anyway?  Now layer on top of that the frustration of knowing that that person is completely within their rights to post those pictures, that you can't even SAY anything about it.

I hate that she's out there posing as a caring parent to MY daughter.  Genetics be darned, she abandoned her and hasn't shown the slightest hint of parental responsibility in 7 years, she is NOT Punky's mother.  I am.  (Ha, Punky mistakenly referred to BioB as her stepmom just a few days before we dropped her off, pointing out to me that the mom who takes care of you (according to Ms. Spider) is your real mom, so BioB must be her stepmom; I was soooooo sad to have to correct her).

Well, she can just bite me after we get Punky back and I tag all of her pictures.

Another interesting note from FB:  You know that period of time when she was claiming to be SOOOO poor that she couldn't call?  She went on a very enjoyable bar-crawling vacation in Miami.  Huh . . .

Attitude

So we, regretfully, dropped Punky off, with her phone (I dare anyone to give me flak for giving a 7 year old a phone given the environment into which she was going).  On of the conditions to us agreeing to drop her off with such short notice was that Punky would be allowed to keep her phone on her AT ALL TIMES, and could call us whenever she wanted (this is following the debacle of 2 years ago when Punky wasn't allowed to call at all because it used up BioB's minutes and last year when BioB took away Punky's phone because she "called us too much" – including the time she called us because she was upset since it was AFTER NOON and she hadn't yet had anything to eat because BioB wouldn't get out of bed and Punky wasn't allowed to wake her up).

So far, BioB seems to be holding her end of the deal.  But, wow, the change in Punky has been dramatic and immediate.  The day after we dropped her off, Punky called me dripping with attitude.  Neither she nor BioB (apparently) could find the extra shoes we packed for Punky.  "YOU didn't send me enough shoes," my sweet little girl accuses when I answer the phone. 

"They're in the black bag in your suitcase,"  I tell her.

She insists, angrily, that they're not.  So I search our whole car (we're on the road back home at the time).  Nope, I'm sure the shoes are in Punky's suitcase.  I didn't scold or get angry with her, I knew she was probably getting plenty of that from the other end and was stressed from being left with that woman, but MAN, that attitude.  Two days later, TWO DAYS, they found the bag of shoes in Punky's small suitcase.  Huh. . .

But, she has gotten much better.  There was much less outright attitude the last couple times I talked to her, though she still doesn't sound 100% like herself.

All Manner of Creatures

Two summers ago, BioB "got Punky a kitten."  Punky loved the kitten, and I think it was the only positive thing about her visit.  Immediately after we got Punky back, BioB told us she got rid of the kitty.  Just like that.  I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, given that she abandoned her own infant, but still.

I HATE people who mistreat their pets or don't take the responsibility seriously.  It's a living creature that you have taken upon yourself to care for.  It is YOUR responsibility.  It is not an inanimate object to be just tossed away.  It really sickens me when people just disregard pets.  I was so mad at her.  I mean, we would have taken the kitty to save it from being abandoned to a shelter and to save Punky the pain of hearing that the kitty was inexplicably gone.

So I was duly annoyed when BioB informed Punky during her call that last week that she had gotten her some geckos.  1) No you didn't, we all know those are your current live-in-boyfriend's geckos, and 2.) stop with the ridiculous "I got you an animal" crap.  Pets aren't toys – a fact we have worked hard to instill to Punky through our care for the ying-yang pups and her fish, Mean (he's a beta, she said he looks like a Mean).

Then, I talked to Punky a couple days after she got there, and she informed me that BioB and the boyfriend had bought her some fish, too.  Ugh.  Even fish are living creatures, and, as such, not disposable!

AND THEN she called a couple days ago, very excited to tell us that BioB and boyfriend (you know, the ones too poor to even use their phones, the same BioB who couldn't handle the kitten after Punky left last time) got her a dog.  WTF?  What the heck is BioB going to do with a dog after Punky leaves?  Because I can't take it in.  We already have 2 dogs and were planning to get a cat soon.  This has disaster written all over it.

And a second WTF?:  What's with the buying Punky a zoo thing?  Someone trying to buy some love there?  It ticks me off for obvious reasons.  Punky may be thrilled with all this, and she may be only 7, but you can't buy love, you earn it.

One Bright Spot

Remember how one of the conditions of our dropping Punky off was that BioB had to provide the return transportation (something she has only done ONCE in the last 4 years)?  Guess what?  She can't.  Oh, but she can afford rare albino geckos and a dog out of the blue.  And that trip to Miami.

MacGyver told her last week that he would be in WI for the wedding of a couple of old friends and that she could pick Punky up then, but it would shorten the visitation by 2 weeks.  Otherwise, she said she'd provide the transport and we were not going to just front the money yet again like we have so many times in the past.  We work to live within our means, thanks.

Well, she's taking us up on our offer.  Apparently her money is more important to her than those two weeks.  That's her call. 

Tiny happy dance.

Plus, now we get to have some summer fun with Punky!  Beaches, hiking, and looking for dolphins!  Yay.

So there you have it.  The very long version of where things currently stand with BioB and Punky being gone.  I have more to say about my feelings on the matter, but this post has gone more than long enough!  Props to you if you're still with me here at the end!

Political Opinions

I rarely comment on politics.  Both US and international politics are extremely intricate and complicated issues and I have neither the time nor the inclination to put enough effort into gathering all the facts and researching as I feel is necessary to form a cohesive opinion.

I vote, of course.  And I do so based on research.  I look into candidates’ stances and voting behavior on a small group of issues that I care about and that I feel represent a general barometer to a candidate’s overall political tendencies.  Those issues include mainly Reproductive Rights, Animal Rights, Health, Education Spending, and International Policy.  I also like to look at a politician’s advisors to see a nice array of backgrounds and opinions.  I won’t name anyone in particular but there was a recent high up government official who I COULD NOT STAND.  He depended on Yes Man advisors who represented the most narrow-minded viewpoints I can imagine.  And there was all that lying and underhanded bastard crap.  But that’s neither here nor there.  Suffice to say, when it comes to politics I research before I vote, but I don’t believe I’m knowledgeable enough to be a commentator.

But I’m getting fed up.  There are a couple of blogs I read/Twitter feeds I follow of people who are lovely, normally rational people until they start spouting political malarkey.  You want to throw your political opinions in my face?  Fine,  but you damn well better research them first.  I have HAD IT with people who just regurgitate all the asinine propaganda they are fed by vapid spinmeisters like Rush Limbaugh and Neal Boortz (who called the victims of Katrina “human debris”).  Yes, I point out right wingers.  I’m sure there are left wing spin meisters, too.  But the right wingers piss me off more because they tend to advocate violence and are unapologetic when they are proven completely wrong or caught in a lie.  And, obviously because I’m pro Sex Ed, Pro-Choice, Pro Animal Rights, and Pro Education.

But, hey watch this:  I’m going to own up to the fact that I’m biased.  I am biased.  I’m a woman who grew up poor and I’m a vegetarian.  So I fall pretty soundly on the left side of things.  I’m biased.  I am not sitting here trying to convert you or making broad, sweeping comments blaming all our current problems on one person.  Lest we forget the way economics works, no single person brings down the economy.  But if one person could . . .

Then there are those people I really don’t understand like my friend’s wife, Ms Backward (though I’m sure she’d prefer I call her MRS Backward).  She’s a WOMAN of COLOR.  She’s not Christian.  They are far from wealthy.  And the other day she said, “Oh, I would vote for anyone else before I’d vote for a democrat.”  W.T.F!?  You know it’s called the “religious right” for a reason, don’t you?  And I KNOW you use birth control.  And you claim to be in favor of sex ed and education.  I don’t get it.  And I’ll bet you ten to one that if I asked her to explain it, all I’d get is skewed propaganda in response.

I don’t always vote party lines.  I research.  I can’t say “I’ll never vote for a republican” and by saying you’ll vote for anyone but a democrat, you’re just outing yourself as an apathetic, extremist, uneducated voter.

But that’s just my opinion . . .

So go ahead and spout your political opinions all over the place, but know this:  If you don’t actually research what you’re saying, and especially if you’re just spewing propaganda fed to you by Fox News, I'm just going to think you're an idiot - and weak willed one at that.

And, for the most part, I’ll refrain from comment because, unless I’m researching an election, I openly admit that my favorite source for political news is:

Catty B*tches

“I don’t really like other women.”

From Cheap Wine and Cookies

“I don’t get along with other women.”

“Other women don’t like me.”

I hear this sort of thing relatively often, (for instance today) and it makes me cringe at best. At worst, it sends me into a full-on, feminist rant. What follows is something in between:

Sometimes I just want to scream at women who talk like that. “Do you have any idea how pompous you sound saying that?”

You may not mean it that way, but you sound like a complete freaking narcissist. And really, half the women I hear say this do a whole lot of other things that put them in the narcissist category, too.

Not only does it make you sound ridiculously full of yourself; it makes you sound desperate for male attention. Like you actually value men more than women.

Look at what you’re saying. You’re setting all women apart as one class, removing yourself from that class, and placing yourself above it. To say you don’t get along with or like other women is to place yourself above your own gender.

By implying that you get along with men better than women, you are implicitly placing more value on the masculine.

We live in a society that values the masculine above the feminine. Say all you want about the great leaps and bounds we’ve made, the fact remains that women are still stereotyped as being weak, emotional (in a negative way), and irrational. The competition for mates is also seen as more fierce among females. An unmarried man in his 30s is a bachelor. An unmarried woman in her 30s is often an object of pity. Which is so frigging stupid! Don’t even get me started on THAT tangent. I am also consciously avoiding including anyone who is not heterosexual from this particular analysis because it would make it too long and convoluted.

Women who set themselves apart from women are giving in to the above stereotypes. They are trying to separate themselves from negative perceptions of femininity, but they’re going about it in a completely asinine way. You want to separate yourself from the negative stereotypes associated with women? Prove them wrong!

Don’t be a catty bitch. That’d be a great start.

Embrace the great things about being a woman. Embrace the things you love about other women. Don’t be swayed by those who spout off crap about how women are whiny or bitchy or whatever else. “Hey, Dumbass, I’m a woman and I am NONE of those things, nor are any of my female friends.”

Don’t run around acting all effing superior to other women and reinforcing the negative stereotypes that women are backbiting and catty.

Then again, if you say shtuff like that, you probably are backbiting and catty.

Am I saying you have to love every woman you meet? Hell no. Obviously. I clearly dislike catty bitches and women who act like they’re better than other woman.  It's self defeating and immature.  I mean, you hear it more from snotty teenagers than anyone else.  Hell, I said it as a snotty teenager even though I knew it wasn't true.  I have always had a lot of male friends, at times more than I had female friends.  But I have always had female friends, too.

Saying you don't get along with other women is just asinine.  Do you have a mom?  Sister?  Best friend or woman you look up to?  Yeah.  Kindof bitchy to them to say you don't like women, eh?  

How about we as women stop being the only class that is so easily tricked into turning on our own?  Because really, what would you think of someone who said "I really don't get along with other Caucasians?"  

Sounds pretty effing stupid, right?

Trust me, I get the desire to be part of the boys club.  I belong to TWO historically male dominated professions (though law is moving away from that).  So I get it.  I know that sometimes it makes things easier to just be one of the boys.  I've done it a lot in my life.  But, you know what?  You don't have to be a catty bitch to make it in the boy's club.  And you don't have to get down on women.  You just have to have the balls - er, ovaries - to own who you are.

 

Originally Posted:

Jan 28, 2011 10:26 AM

Hermaphrodites, Really?

The other day I was listening to some of the debate over overturning Don’t Ask Don’t Tell that has heated up so much since ADM Mullen spoke out in favor of overturning the policy the other day. I won’t go too much into my personal opinion on the matter, especially not on a semi-public blog because no matter how much I disclaim it, people will want to take my personal opinion as in some way reflecting the opinions of or in the Marine Corps. And, even if my opinion is a very common one in the Marines, I am not in any way authorized or inclined to speak or make representations for the Marine Corps.


All that said, I was listening to the discussions on NPR the other night, and a former Marine came on ranting about how strongly opposed he was to overturning Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Without going into my opinions on the matter at hand, I will give my opinion of this guy’s argument:

It was asinine.

I don’t care what your opinion is, this guy just came off as an ignorant homophobe. What was this asinine argument? Basically, it was, “If we let the gays who are already in the military serve openly in the Marines (he specifically mentioned the Marines), then we will have to start letting hermaphrodites in.”

Really? No, NO, REALLY? Are you freaking serious?

Hermaphrodites? That’s your argument?

Hermaphrodites.

I’m sorry. One more time: Really? You must be screwing with me. I am absolutely dumbfounded (ok, I’m not – that rarely happens to me).

*ahem*

1) Do you even know what a hermaphrodite is? A hermaphrodite (or, more appropriately, intersexed person) is a person with an actual physical medical condition whereby they do not fall clearly into one category of biological sex. Some ignorant individuals (like you, sir), view this as a horrifying, terrible sickness or view it as making these individuals less human or “freaks.” While it can be very emotionally painful for the individuals in question, especially if not dealt with by informed or somewhat enlightened caretakers in early life, it is not some horrifying sickness and certainly does not make those people any less human, intelligent, or valuable. And I see no reason why a person with ambiguous genitalia who is otherwise perfectly qualified for military service should be denied that opportunity. In many countries/cultures around the world, hermaphrodites are treated *gasp* like regular people, or even honored. Some countries/cultures even recognize a third sex for these individuals. I strongly encourage anyone with limited knowledge on this issue to read further. It is interesting and, in my opinion, will make you a more understanding person to know about. I know exactly how I would deal with it if Pip was born with an ambiguous sex. Do you know what you would do facing such a situation? Are you sure that’s the right thing by that child? At the very least, if you learn about this you’ll never sound like quite such an idiot on the radio.

2.) What the F does a hermaphrodite have to do with whether or not homosexuals should be allowed to serve openly? Someone please explain the connection to me. Are you trying to make some sort of point about genetic mutations? Please, please tell me that’s not the case. Because that is really, really stupid. Then again, I can’t think of any connection between allowing a person with ambiguous genitalia into the military and allowing a homosexual to be open about who they are in the military. Certainly not any connections that aren’t really, really stupid.

In conclusion:

That is one of the most asinine That is THE most asinine argument I have ever heard on either side of this argument. Ever. Please feel free to punch yourself in the face. And maybe think for a second before you go on the radio representing yourself as a “former Marine” and then act like a complete jacka*&. K? Thanks.

Where's Punky?

Oh my freaking A.  What the Hell kind of elementary school lets a 7 year old (who has only been attending the school for one week) walk home by herself?  WTF?  Oh, I'm sorry, not by herself.  They let her walk home with a third grader.  I say again, WTF?

We only live two blocks from Punky's school now, so MacGyver walks her to school and picks her up at the end of the day.  Except yesterday when he got there, she. wasn't. there.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Can you imagine?  I would've effing lost it.  Well, no.  I wouldn't have at that point.  I'm pretty good under extreme stress, but I can tell you that my mind would've been in all the worst places in that moment, and I would've been taking some serious actions.  MacGyver asked the adults in charge where she was.  No one had an effing clue.  Well, aren't you supposed to be watching her!?!?!

Apparently, they did not feel they needed to watch her.  Contrary to what we had originally been told, the kids aren't held until a responsible party picks them up.  The kids are just cut loose to do as they please unless you place them on a special list requiring them to be released only to a responsible party.  I think it bears repeating:

W. T. F?!?

Maybe I'm just clueless as to how things work with elementary schools these days, but I would never run a school that way!  Holy F!  THAT is the point where I would've lost my effing mind on some people.  YOU LET MY 7 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL LEAVE THE SCHOOL UNSUPERVISED!?! 

MacGyver rushed home to find Punky waiting, safely (Thank the Universe and any God, Goddess, or force you can think of), where it was explained that - apparently - a crossing gaurd (from what I can tell from the way Punky tells it) sent her with a third grader, and that third grader's mom joined that at some point after they had actually left the school.

I can't even.  I don't know what to say.  Needless to say, Punky is on the "Special List" of kids who aren't allowed to be tossed out on the sidewalk to figure out their own way home, and, more importantly, it has been emphasised to her that she is NOT to leave the school unless MacGyver or I am there to pick her up (or, just in case, our friend Java).

But, seriously!  Is this normal?  Do schools really do this?  I'm not talking Jr. High.  I'm not even talking about kids who are a little older who have permission to walk home in groups.  I'm talking about single little first graders just being cut loose with no accounting for them whatsoever.  UGH!!!