I am SO tired. SO. Tired. I feel like I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in weeks. I am tired all morning long. And all afternoon. And all evening. It takes me a matter of second to fall asleep given the opportunity. But can I stay asleep? Heck no. I wake up every hour and toss around all night. Just to get up and drag myself through another day, feeling for hours on end like I just stumbled out of bed. Or, you know that feeling you get when you’re all cozy, wrapped up in a blanket reading a book or watching some late night TV and are ready to doze peacefully at any moment? I have that feeling all day long! But it’s not quite as cozy when you’re not actually allowed to go to sleep.
The result of all this lovely fatigue? I found myself weighing the craziest decision the last couple nights: Sleep or That Other Thing? This has never been a question to me/us before. Are you kidding me? If I can stand duty with roving patrols for 24 hours, if I can spend an entire day buddy rushing through the woods with tons of gear and digging holes then stay up all night manning an M16 or a SAW – if I can give up sleep for those things – I am definitely not going to prioritize sleep over That Other Thing. (And That Other Thing is a pretty significant part of MacGyver and my relationship - TMI).
But I have become an addict.
Would I prioritize sleep over X or Y activity? No. But would a heroin addict prioritize heroin over X or Y activity?. Darned effing straight they would. I neeeed it. I want it. Just thinking about it makes me happy – and I think about it A LOT. My body is calling out.
For Sleep. It makes me smile. It makes me feel good. It expands my mind. The withdrawals suck. Mmmmmm . . . Sleep.
I mean, I’ve given up 90% or more of my caffeine, alcohol, and meat (though at least one of those is not a permanent surrender- come on, what’s the name of the blog?). So I was due for a new addiction, and this one came sweeping right in, unwelcome though it may be.
I won’t tell you whether I chose Sleep or The Other Thing, but I will warn you that only one of those topics is particularly appropriate for me to wax poetically on and on about (though I could go on and on about it in a very inappropriate manner with very little effort at this point). So you can expect many future posts about my new addiction. About warm blankets, cozy beds, crazy dreams, and just how much I need it. All the time.